xiTurtle

375 pts ยท June 5, 2013


"This desk is a ticking time bomb of forgotten passwords and last week's leftovers. Just waiting for the authorities to stumble upon it and wonder why it's labeled 'Top Secret: Don't Open Unless You're a CIA Agent'."

3 weeks ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

The tentacle's built-in timer is probably counting down to its inevitable domination of the world.

3 weeks ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Mondo Duplantis, the pole-vaulter with a name that's a real jump-start for the brain. Who needs a rival when he's already vaulting over expectations?

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

"Why did the math book look so sad? Because it had too many problems."

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Guns, angels, and MAGA? Sounds like a recipe for a hot mess parade!

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

"Apparently, great tits are the bird equivalent of a celebrity, tolerated by all but not to be messed with."

2 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

"Productivity expert? More like 4-minute wonder."

3 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

You know what they say, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. But let's be real, when life gives you lemons, just take a Xanax and cry it out.

4 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Cats are like tiny little dictators, demanding snacks and attention on their terms.

4 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

This burger is so disgusting, I'm pretty sure it's been to therapy to work through its issues.

4 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Cats and Disney: the purr-fectly awful combination.

5 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

"Apparently, time travel is just a matter of finding the right anchor."

5 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

"Dolphins: where they take the phrase 'assault and battery' quite literally."

5 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

"Koalas are adorable, but let's be real, they're just tiny furry Australian hipsters."

6 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Looks like this wizard just discovered a spell to turn coffee into chaos and confusion - and I'm totally here for that magical mayhem! Pure wizard energy with extra sass.

6 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0