ILoveBitchesILovePussyManIShouldBeRunningPETA
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Mar 26, 2015 1:12 PM
ILoveBitchesILovePussyManIShouldBeRunningPETA
526435
11161
307
Fauxcused
Once you go cold it never gets old.
Darclee
Fuck!
aspgrabber
"And there was this one time when I was on a date, and there was this serial killer with a hook hand on the loose..."
CerebrawlHemmorage
http://sexylosers.com/007.html
ellisDtripp25
He can come over and fuck my wife and get the same thing.
Dexterrogers
No it didn't, this didn't happen at all.... the comedian isn't even using OC ffs.... ugh
egonspenglersepididymis
formaldehyde......
JustHereForTheAlbums
Could be from aldehyde. Embalming fluids can contain a mix of formaldehyde and gluteraldehyde, both are aldehydes!
egonspenglersepididymis
I mean, in science yes. But, in a comedy routine......... I guess.
FancyFrance
I prefer casualdehyde.
bumbl3b33
It started off slow, grossed me out, left me hanging, and then gave me a sensible chuckle.
EvilGreatApe
She is just ripping off a very old joke. 1st rule in comedy broken. :(
raptorfences
The aristocrats!
ILoveBitchesILovePussyManIShouldBeRunningPETA
Wait, what is this first rule?
TheMrMul
Never bathe in hot oil and bisquick?
LuxCaelum
You do not talk about comedy rules.
nouseforanameforthisshit
http://imgur.com/cjf3nwT
RepublicofTexa
It's like the beginning of the movie Contracted
LightlyFreckledCat
Sugarcrotch
That movie is fucking weird
RepublicofTexa
yeah, I was wondering where they were going with it (SPOILER) seems like would be a good zombie series, would like to see a sequel
DangerMeme
KingOfTheAnarchists
Silly Alex
dukemalisto
So, cats CAN be trained
hannaer
Brilliant
nthimguruser
Excellent use of gif
aspgrabber
"And so I drove him home, and turned to him expecting a kiss, but the passenger seat was empty, and the seat belt was still fastened."
boondock83
I couldn't even read the rest of it, because its fucking formaldehyde!
jjn010
That title though
ThomasBandy
DevoutSkeptic
Women aren't funny.
scoopsH
:::::Triggered::::
canarav
ugh I've heard this story more than five times each time people claiming that it happened to this person their friend knew...
YouHaveJustBegunReadingTheUsernameYouHaveJustFinishedReading
This person their friend knew is very popular
whorunsbartertown
Happened to my sister's cousins boyfriend mom.
KellyanneAlternativeFacts
Maybe they're all friends. Probably through Kevin Bacon.
FilthyNastyHobbitses
This is folklore!
DeadGodJess
I've heard versions that involve bugs :D
ourari
Yup. I'm too lazy to check, but I'm willing to bet there's a page dedicated to this story on Snopes.
indigoswash
http://www.snopes.com/risque/juvenile/corpse.asp ;-)
MyDadLooksLikeTomCruise
Sonofabiscuit.
DionBlaster
its a *bit* like that anal sex story which ends in the dog getting shot or put down
MeridaIsMySpiritAnimal
Isn't this a stand-up comedy act? I mean she's holding a mic & on stage. I don't think people are assuming every joke is from her real life.
bionerd
I think canarav wasn't complaining about the post itself, but about the people who told them the story IRL.
ashleypomeroy
I think there's an assumption that women comedians don't do abstraction - they basically moan about their boyfriends.
ckowl
and when do abstraction, everyone gets mad and say that they aren't funny.
Excusemepleaseithinkishatmyself
It's a fucking joke. It works better if you tell in the first person -- Will Hunting
DionBlaster
Comedians should make up their own jokes -- Me
Windraist
I don't get why Dionblaster's reply got downvoted so hard, it's just a reasonable expectation of professional joke tellers.
NewtonWren
Eh. A comedian with good timing and delivery for an old joke is preferable over someone who redid an old joke and delivered it badly.
NewtonWren
And all jokes are old jokes. Some just haven't been told in a while
Squeezit
When it was first told to me when I was a kid (back when AOL was the thing) the person who told me claimed they knew the person.
orrigo
Even if it wasn't from a movie it wouldn't be "lying". She's a comedian.
Eunoterp
A friend, of a friend.....riiiiight!
pixarpizza
As someone who has had formaldehyde poisoning... it's not fun. I entered a science lab that had had a cabinet of specimens fall off the 1/?
pixarpizza
wall, and I lost my sense of smell. The nerves in my nose were destroyed. I got pretty sick for 2-3 days, and have never regained my 2/x?
pixarpizza
sense of smell. Would not recommend even going near the stuff... the smell took 2-3 days to go away too. No number of showers helped D: 3/3
JulesQJones
Well on the bright side, at least you couldn't smell the stuff
andyonetime
*Insensitive Dewey cox smell blind joke*
billiejeanslover
im really sorry that happened to you. :(
khaleesimotherofkittycats
I actually know someone who this happened to… She went down south, met a local who wanted to take her back to his place. She refused and
khaleesimotherofkittycats
invited him to her hotel room where they slept together. When she came back to Canada she got super sick and went to the doctor and had
khaleesimotherofkittycats
tests done. The doctor freaked and asked her if she'd had sex recently. It turned out she had a bacterial infection that you only get from
khaleesimotherofkittycats
having sex with dead bodies. The authorities of whatever country she went to investigated, turns out buddy she slept with had a collection
khaleesimotherofkittycats
of dead girls in his home and was a necrophiliac. He probably would have killed her if she went to his place!
TheFlyingHellfish
Everybody knows somebody who's heard an urban legend.
Sugarcrotch
Why did he want to fuck a living girl when he has all that pussy at homen
indigoswash
"a bacterial infection that you only get from having sex with dead bodies" - That is some very, very selective bacteria.
ajcom
Shit that never happened!
StormWingDelta
Makes you wonder how this manages to happen at all. Some humans can be scarier than demons. O_O
drbarrel
Link please.
khaleesimotherofkittycats
she is friends with my friend's mother as well as my partner's aunt. Sorry!
khaleesimotherofkittycats
To everyone chanting "lies", you're totally entitled to believe what you want, I can't provide a source because I don't know the woman, but
tomyironmane
ok, yeah, this lady is funny.
Kittani77
Some people just like to crack open a cold one once in awhile...
NightCookie
HA haha ewww
LoudAngryJerk
oh fuck, i cant stop laughing.
princesskageebageeba
That was a great criminal minds episode.
grownupslikeimgurtoo
Dude, I don't even know what to say. That, that was awesome.
Darclee
Hahhhaaaaaaha
philcollinsdrumbreakdown
oh god. OH GOD, UGH! EUGH GOD NO, OH...
1fer1
A cold one? There is more than one use for a curling iron.
Squeezit
You mean crack open a bear and play some TF2? http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Crack_c04b29_198843.png
englishhurler
Better late than never.
rckymusic
This was on apost about 2 years ago
LianRosie
It's from a session 4 Criminal Minds episode
durkedur
Bra-fucking-vo sir/madam
OpenDaMouth
Came back to +1 this
IKilledKennyAndIAmABastard
I see your criminal minds reference.
Kittani77
Glad someone got the reference.
mrdude88
Awe, no CSI Miami Horatio Caine reference?
haterstotheleft
That's so wrong. But, god help me, I can't stop laughing.
ConvokeMyropolist
Eeeewwww. +1 to you sir / maam / cat.
SlightlyNormal
Pretty fucking sure that's not a cat.
Grapefruitspoon
Fuck you, you don't know how they self-identify.
SlightlyNormal
Fuck them and their special snowflake status.
WolverineUM
http://imgur.com/aCWbrPr
mamakriegz
Hahaha what's this from?? I just want to show it to everyone and make the world uncomfortable <3
CoJaBo
Congrats. This gif is now one of your top comments ever. …as it is for me.
skywarp12321
.
cerberus63
I will never stop upvoting this gif.
WolfgangDeLinks
Bogs Binny, literally on the bog
ladyslovelarkin
it's from angryvideogame nerd for everyone asking idk what episode but it's on youtube
CGGMovies
That is legitimately terrifying.
FakePlasticTreehugger
Okay nopenopenope.
yomdiddy
That is fucking frightening
adrian94
hehehehe...
spicypadthai
thanks for the nightmares asshole
ThouBeardHead
Sauce?
WolverineUM
idk i saved it one of the many times i've seen it floating around imgur lol
J4Y1450
i love it. commenting for later use
OddBlueberry
I still haven't learned where this is from and I haven't decided yet if I want to know.
gilliamv
Bugs bunny asking Elmer to sit down and talk about a permanent duck season.
ChameleonFacedGoon
It's from my nightmares
skcorttocs
https://youtu.be/ORPFRj1b6KU
OddBlueberry
You savage.
RolfTheSonOfaShepard
Gonna look later
IPlayWithFire
no, that guy WON'T fuck you , she just said he got arrested, he Is never gonna work in a morgue again. its safe to kill yourself...
YouHaveJustBegunReadingTheUsernameYouHaveJustFinishedReading
He'll find a way
ChaosLierLen637
Death, uh, finds a way.
KellyanneAlternativeFacts
He always does
RobertPaulsen
its safe to kill yourself...
LetMeTouchIt
His name was Robert Paulsen
IPlayWithFire
yes, no worries about your body being defiled...i mean unless youre into that
RobertPaulsen
My body has already been pretty badly defiled by a bullet to the head.
TheRealDurdan
Just fyi, this isn't tumblr
iDrinkDrano
*bing* It is now safe to roam around the afterlife*
laisametschbaetzlaondsoidawirschd
* formaldehyde
BarnJuden
Potato potato
seasonsgreetings
Poteito potaato
Khanecz
Casualdehyde
PackedCatMeowingPowerDensity
There are MANY people calling the most common substances of a category just the group name. Namely alcohol being "muggle" for ethanol.
Drathe
*Aldehyde http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aldehyde
impoverishedWASP
Thank you. I love when people make corrections that are themselves incorrect.
balsamicninja
Formaldehyde is no longer used in the embalming process as it turns tissue green. Not criticism, just thought I'd share.
IMakeUpRandomFacts
Sounds like you know a lot about this, (fetish?)
prose11396
You can learn this in a basic college or even high school bio class. If you see cadavers or do a genetics fruit fly lab.
IMakeUpRandomFacts
So... you DO know a lot about this. Just as I suspected. Now, tell me about Viagra. How's it work? Gotta love smart people.
balsamicninja
Haha, not a fetish. I spent a year as an apprentice funeral director and embalmer.
balsamicninja
Haha, not a fetish. I spent a year as an apprentice funeral director and embalmer.
dwrst11
Good point. TO THE FRONT PAGE!
HeyOP
I'm pretty sure it's already been there.
dwrst11
Yeah, but hasn't pretty much everything?
HeyOP
I haven't seen any dick pics front paged yet. That'd be amusing, if it wouldn't inspire tons more dick pic posts.
raptorfences
One day there will be a dick pic revolution...and it will be glorious, and turgid, and not TOO veiny.
HeyOP
I can't say I'm looking forward to that revolution.
stanleyspadowski
Oooh, so people make up fake stories in real life for approval from strangers just like they do on the internet?
RepublicofTexa
Yeah, that's why I like Louis and Mike Birbiglia, their stories use hyperbole but still seem like they happened
Mithi
Jupp. But at least online you can ignore when they get pissy upon correction. 8)
AngryAndConfused
You think every standup routine is based on real events?
raaalph
"from aldehyde"
azazyel
I've been reading Pratchett's Disc World and he uses this kind of speak a lot. It's really funny.
brooshkin
She didn't "die of beaties"?
JadeNB1729
"Just give me all the hyde you have."
magulagie
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aldehyde Yes, from aldehyde
Wombatish
Yeah, I accepted it because "that's from ____" but then it was all 'wait wut'
Killerby
All of garden
hatershadesfordays
I thougth it was a town at first or something.
TwoBitGreaser
In defence, aldehyde does refer to a group of organic chemicals, of which formaldehyde is one, but this is most likely what was meant.
KosherToaster
What does a fence have to do with this
krauraurgg
It surrounds the all of garden. Duh.
SputnikMD
If only OP had said "methanal"instead...
krauraurgg
No one says methanal. It might be correct, but no one ever says it.
SmellyPotatoMan
Defense*
DidItForScience
I see what you're doing... SmellyPotatoeMan*
SmellyPotatoMan
Potato has no e
DidItForScience
Hah, I meant to type SmellyPotatoesMan* but somehow didn't. :(
wartoaster
Found the American
icookfoodandfightfire
actually ive only ever seen it as defence, and its autocorrected to defence if i try to spell it with an s
Nathanfake
if "SmellyPotatoMan" wasn't obvious enough
StonerCatJay
Honestly I forgot which one was the American spelling. They both look right to me. I'm American, by the way.
TheNextBestUsername
Wait, wait, wait! Some of us know that we spell things a bit oddly. Like colour/color, defence/defense, freedom/monarchy, etc.
TheMajesticGrammarNazi
Okay, your comment rather tickled me. Thank you, dear fellow, have an upvote.
ThisGuyHere
I'm glad I ventured this far into the replies/comments to see this. I had a hearty chuckle indeed.
NinjasStoleMyMama
I'm fucking dying laughing at that. Not the stand up. From aldehyde.
IHateApostrophes
"That's from aldehyde poisoning." Still technically accurate.
thegreatfrenchcheeses
That urban legend is so old it died znd got fucked by that guy
Whateveridontcareaboutnames
I had to scroll down to make sure that was what the first comment was about. Going back up now, carry on.
thePawnMower
Remember on Firefly when they were looking for a place, for Mal to hide?
thecolonels
Well, it is from an aldehyde.
TheWizardSendor
Well, formaldehyde certainly IS an aldehyde after all...
CenturionDias
There are other aldehydes
Yetsumari
sometimes I think captions are recorded through YouTubes autocaption engine
agumonkey
from alderaan
StarryPlough
Some people are adorably stupid
ilovecake
Yeah, that was rather painful.
wasp32
Aldehyde is correct. There are more aldehydes than formaldehyde
InanityWolf
I'm pretty sure it was the captioners, not the comedian.
HalfwayToRelevance
France's Bacon.
longlivekingnick
45 seconds I looked at that panel before I regained consciousness
awowya
Took me 4 reads to understand what they meant.
MrKimmyGibbler
Seriously, that ruined this post for me.
Davidnfilms
Yeah I winced at that.
justjim1013
This story should be taken with a grain assault.
idoubtanyonehasthisusername
Butt dawn. Tickle yours, elf cost. Hat guy Will; fuck you.
ZaphodsFriend
I feel you got way over downvoted, and for that I'm sorry. I thought this was quite clever
idoubtanyonehasthisusername
I reckon the delivery was a bit confusing. Ah well, I'm glad you appreciated it. Thanks for the kind words.
copingcabana
From Al D. Hyde.
youknowwhyimhere6969
The proper way to say it. Thank you for showing these swines some culture.
foolhollow
I probably laughed harder than I should have at this.
agumonkey
Yours truly Dr Jekyll
ladaisycakes
i love you lol
NickPetersen
Dr. From Al D. Hyde to you
copingcabana
A keepsake that will last forever.
Zaayl
"Give me a shot of Formaldehyde, because I'm dead inside."
UsingaLongRelativelyEasyToReadUsernameForaHigherChanceOfUpVotes
I was just about to go look that up, read your message and was lak ._. oh my word.
KeezieWeezie
I didn't even know what that was supposed to mean until I read your comment
nettiebean
Me either. I just assumed aldehyde was some poison I didn't know. I'm not a fucking poison expert.
krauraurgg
Aldehydes are a group of organic compounds, of which formaldehyde is the lightest and most common. So it's technically correct.
nettiebean
I saw above, but it was still funny when I saw it was supposed to be formaldehyde. Thanks :)
Chocolateinvestigator
Bet he took her to all off garden
KosherToaster
PERFECT USAGE.
GogglesGreek
I've heard the um, Beyonce in there is fantastic.
blaknwhitejungl
Only if he want it to.
AceVanquish
They have the best super salad.
MyPalmsSpaghettiKneesWeakArmsSpaghettiTheresVomitOnMySpaghetti
Omg, it's not "all off garden," you idiot. It's All of* Garden
Nineteenletterslong
I Love Guarding?
MyPalmsSpaghettiKneesWeakArmsSpaghettiTheresVomitOnMySpaghetti
I Live Guard And?
jimicos
Norm and Jean?
wessyfbaby
fuckingfantasticreferencebro.cadaver
MaybeGrapes
fuck you
wessyfbaby
hey fuck you buddy
TheCornDogger
im not your buddy, guy
MaybeGrapes
fuckyoubecauseihavesexwith.corpses