FirstAccountWasBanned
304251
5302
266
submitted by @toxicomanie
submitted by @takinupspace
submitted by @canadiasian
submitted by @Vajazzled
submitted by @OntariosCunningLinguist
submitted by @ReleaseTheKrakenAndSacrificeMySoulToSatan
submitted by @ToastedVanilla
submitted by @TheUnoffendedTumblrUser
submitted by @onecupshort
submitted by @NoOneEverReadsTheNamesAnyways
submitted by @CalifornianEskimo
Part 2 coming soon
Guys part 4 http://imgur.com/gallery/ag8lG
If you submit for the female posts please start you message with "female post" so i can find them easily in my inbox
Erries
I've tried the cheesy love song thing myself. Apparently she thought I was just sending her fun songs to listen to and not actuallyflirting
SSCookieMonster
Someone somewhere is experiencing this right now. Pray for that poor soul.
CrimsonFuckr
I read this from a dude's perspective. Got 8 in before it hit me. Have I done this?
Metaloxin
I love how the majority of females here notice their mistake minutes or hours afterwards and most males are like,"I realized this years ago"
Candymostdandy
The boy I loved in high school asked me if I had ever been molested...I said "not lately" and walked away. So so dumb.
iDrinkDrano
D:
jimicos
In my smoovest voice: "Well, if you want to be molested... Wait, wait, wait..."
Candymostdandy
That's what he was getting at, and I sooooooooo would have taken him up on it.
ArdentSlacker
That sounds like a cry for help. Either he's *that* awkward, or he... I can't finish the sentence.
Therewillbeevenmorentropytomorrow
Yeah. That didn't sound like a pick-up line.
beckadoomsday
kindsoberandfullydressed
This gif makes me so happy
LordOfTheRingDings
How the fuck do we manage to survive as a species? We're all fucking morons.
TheMasterOfTheMechanicalStuff
ehem....it's Sir "fucking moron" to you !
CrackingPostGromit
And this post is about how we somehow avoid fucking morons.
irishfury
Brilliant.
tony3564
i want to hear success stories.
GiveMeChocolate
He said he was ticklish on his arm, so I stroked him really soft until he stroked my hand. Leaned my head again his head, turned head: kiss!
stinkycheezmonky
Once upon a time, I told a girl that I really liked her and wanted her to be my girlfriend. She had feeling for me also, so we started (1/2)
stinkycheezmonky
(2/2) dating. 9 1/2 years later, we're still together, now engaged.
Cymelion
This is Imgur - there are no success stories ...
ChineseCheese
Just ask your parents
Curiousone545
I support this idea. Time to hear all the sappy romantic love stories that will make us singlegurians eat ice cream and cry.
tony3564
and those of us in long distance relationships
ArdentSlacker
That's every rom-com and porno.
tony3564
yeah, but they're not as stupid as real life can be
ArdentSlacker
I'm wondering if your real life is that crazy, or if you've never actually noticed the plot.
tony3564
porno has plot?
ArdentSlacker
I was thinking rom-coms. Yanno, where you have stalkers eventually finding true love.
n0vacane
God I love these.
notme222
#8 sound predatory to anyone else? It's one thing for a senior to *date* a freshman, but this wasn't that.
UpvotesForCalicos
Mm-hmm.
Clitastrophe
#11 Why would you not accept regardless? He was moving a way and invited you over with the limited time he had left..
UpvotesForCalicos
That one made me sad.
Ashtacular
See I had the opposite issue: I was the chick guys would pretend to flirt with because it was funny to flirt with the fat chick.
blooberries
God, same here. :| In my particular case, they were yes to the face but no to the bod. lol.
WhoseDevelopmentIsArrestedAnyway
Same here sister. High school was the worst and most humiliating time of my life.
Vanteyo
I usually assume it's either a game or out of pity, that they're "taking one for the team" when I'm with my female friends.
Ashtacular
Oh gosh seriously.
Chemandcake
Yep. Been there. Took me a bit to realize my now-husband was actually interested in a relationship with me.
pam4cocaine
Yeeeep. Tinder is lost on me
Unquote
As a chubby chaser, this pains me. How can a guy make sure you understand that he is for real?
RAAAAAAAWR
yech. High school. Nobody even pretended to flirt with me. They just skipped to the mean and cruel, minus the head games.
[deleted]
[deleted]
[deleted]
[deleted]
Ashtacular
Nothing worse than the sound of the laughter when they walk away.
TheFarmerAndTheDude
As a fat guy, seriously all I think is "no way they're flirting with me. Who would want me?" Though in I dont think any of them did hahaha
Ashtacular
Been married 11 years and am still waiting for it to be a joke.
Therewillbeevenmorentropytomorrow
Umm. Maybe tell your spouse, because I sincerely doubt it's a joke. Think of all the happiness and relief you'll feel! You're amazing!
Schmedes
#6 is just going to give false hope to so many around here...
Spamamdorf
I didn't see the pick up anywhere in the myself, it just seems like mutual interest
TheFarmerAndTheDude
Thats a good way to get in
AR2713
whoever said Maroon 5 is terrible deserves worse
drewdus42
They are America's sweethearts!
GenericNickname
phew.. to think these things could happen to me if i left my house :D I LOVE INDOOR! *cries myself to sleep*
alcogod
Im a guy but most of these just sound cringeworthy, especially the white stripes one.
DanZ51
Girls want a suave, mature, sweet guy, but sometimes they need to hear, "I really like you" when the suave mature sweet thing goes whoosh.
Anklehurthumpthesink
In 8th grade a girl (unbeknownst to me) flirted constantly and asked for my number. My response "for what?" Im shaking my head as I type
frostedbutler
You get an updoot just for the title
drewdus42
An updoot!!! Hahaha hahaha that is best.
rebeccareds
Once I went to my bestfriends house to make cookies,got home,dad found out. He hit me be he thought I was having sex.I really made cookies:(
Therewillbeevenmorentropytomorrow
Well, that's all sorts of not ok.
Foxafillion
Yeah that sounds less like misunderstanding and mostly like straight child abuse
Foxafillion
Yeah that sounds less like misunderstanding and mostly like straight child abuse
qaaaaa
piggy back girl dodged a bullt
IamTonyStark
A bullet, and most likely a sex offender.
Misora
agreed. Creepy predatory practices ahoy!
SweetBabyYeezus
Yea he was just gonna fuck her and dump her anyways, better she didn't get her feelings hurt
sowetoninja
How the fuck do you know that? He could be 2 years older than her and get along great, it's not 'predatory' at all, it's quite common.
MundaneFacts
A freshman and a senior? That's usually 4 years difference. It's been creepy every time that I've seen it.
Unquote
You just assume girls will always have 'feelings' and they never crave a quick fuck.
MundaneFacts
A high school freshman?
SweetBabyYeezus
Not always, but in most cases yes girls tend to develop feelings more. Especially in high school.
EatComics
Thanks for delivering OP
DeathMonkeee
See guys? Women can be just as oblivious as we are sometimes.
bunnyrut
i know i was! single my whole life. finally start dating someone and suddenly all these guys say they were interested. -.-
NotMyScienceAccount
key word- sometimes. They generally hold the keys to the sexy times chamber....
NrNone
Harry Potter And The Keys To The Sexy Times Chamber
NotMyScienceAccount
Lol id watch it. For the plot.
[deleted]
[deleted]
NotMyScienceAccount
Your welcome misleadingusername(probablyaman). I still need work on my imgur comment banter methinks. ;)
AManIsNoOne
Now I'm wondering how many times have I hit on a girl and and I wasn't turned down. She just didn't know. 0. I was always turned down...
Mrwahwah1
I was wondering the same thing. These make more sense for dudes because when a girl is really forward with a guy it goes against the norm
NotMyScienceAccount
Tell yourself what I tell myself. It was all of them.
uhtreduhtredson
K
Guyhood
Uggh... Now I feel like I want to ask them whether they knew or not, but I don't want to make a fool of myself...
yourmomsabanana
I am oblivious to getting hit on 99.9% of the time. Only time I realize it is happening, is when it is blatantly obvious
Notcreativewithmyname
Hello this is me
Psychethos
Tons of times. I know at least 3 people who told me they were into me some time ago, but I didn't notice their advances.
LamarTheHeadhumper
A common adjective of these guys is "cute." That's how I know I've been turned down
DW223
Probably a lot. We can be pretty oblivious.
eggmuffin
I always assume that they're as oblivious as I am.
Notcreativewithmyname
NOTICE ME PLEASE
craz3d
The couch story re dudes with other heads I submitted...i asked her our a few yrs prior & was promptly shut down. "Brother" status
craz3d
Of course I needed explicit direction to bang
Shadowphex
I was going to make a similar post, lol.
Pseudomenos
I'd slow clap you but with tears in my eyes
TheRamazon
Probably a lot, we are pretty clueless
iamghost
Tell that to a feminist!
SuckItBlue
People tend to be clueless. Source: I am a human.
OSCgal
On behalf of oblivious women everywhere, I apologize! I am that clueless.
CHOOCHOOMOTHAFUCKER
Cat I stick my Wang into your pussy? Or am I being to vauge... (Wang is a very weird man who loves cats too much)
EDarwin
Right there with ya sistah.
elalu
Same. I'm hopeless. Unless you tell me something directly, I have NO CLUE. The idea of people flirting with my always sort of baffled me.
LadyWidebottom
A guy asked me out to a movie once and I asked if I could bring my friend. He didn't talk to me again after that.
iamghost
I'm hitting on you right now.
altearithe
Same. I usually think a guy is just weird until it hits me ages later.
anomaly23
Ditto!
NotMyScienceAccount
The imgur dating site needs to happen, sounds like there is hundreds of us awkward imgurians!
SpaceballsTheComment
isn't social savanna a thing anymore?
EDarwin
This is the first I've heard of this Savanna thing.
therealtomservo
I don't think many people use it due to crappy interface
Michealbay
Wanna start one with me?
NotMyScienceAccount
Bring the explosions Michael, I'll find someone to code.
Michealbay
got them already, in my pant, almost exploding.
GabrielFlood
I mean, https://socialsavanna.com/ exists. Anybody else out there on the Savanna? (https://socialsavanna.com/profile/GabrielFlood)
justsomeotherguy
Uhm there are dozens of us
NotMyScienceAccount
I know its there, but I was not impressed.
stackoverflo
I am!
LadyWidebottom
I have been on it since it started, but I'm married and anti social and nobody ever talked to me anyway so I gave up.
GabrielFlood
Well, it doesn't have to all be about dating. Sometimes it's just long nerdy discussions on who best played Sherlock. Wanna be friends? :-)
demonic
Commenting for reasons
WhatABeautifulDuwangChew
Same
BlueDsc
At least I know for a fact I was turned down the one time I asked a girl out. Being laughed at pretty well drives home the point.
PamelaSplooshPoovey
Well maybe next time don't ask out a heartless bitch. But f'reals, that sucks buddy, I'm sorry.
BlueDsc
Eh, it was years ago.
SlaktRein
Yeah, i know that feeling all too well :/ 5 fucking times, all different girls. I've been told i didnt do anything wrong by other girls. 1/2
SlaktRein
but they have all blatanly and openly friendzoned me. Not complainig too much about that though, atleast i have friends. 2/2
EliruleZ
When you're half camel half man...
ADSquared
Have you ever dated a man with six camels?
EliruleZ
Have you?
ADSquared
No, but now's your chance - Pakalu Papito
EliruleZ
I follow that guy on Twitter. Kind of feel sorry for the guy.
AManIsNoOne
Actually i'm only 1/16 Camel but I take great pride in my heritage.
TheGhostMinx
As a person, you need to be straight forward with me. Or I'll just kinda laugh and smile awkwardly before continuing whatever I was doing.
skwawkward
That second sentence is the story of my awkard responses to everything life.
TheGhostMinx
Yup. I do that anyway. Mostly because when I say something, people think I'm an idiot (stutter and random thoughts, etc.).
maybeifthisusernameiswittyenoughsomeonewillfinallyloveme
*cringes* *looks at next one* *cringes* WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF
Ralpheo
It's like eating really sour things
NotMyScienceAccount
Because its fun to realize how many other people are exactly as dumb as yourself. Hahahaha! *sniff*
TheFarmerAndTheDude
Well I didn't empathize with any of these. I'm not oblivious. Unlike you losers, I've never had a anyone hit on! Bask in my superiority!
NotMyScienceAccount
My gawd, its beautiful! We're not worth!
ShirouBlue
Why...do i feel a big giant hole in my chest?
mybirdsnameispoppy
Because you love it, you slut...
JohnCenaIsMySpiritAnimal
The pain...it hurts so good...
blackguard89
I can relate to some....and I'm a guy. Being oblivious is so niiiice, WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE! *stops in corner and cries*
aqueueforyou
For some reason it's hurting a lot less to read about women's stories, almost like I get to imagine at least one of my own rejections, wasnt
geekyisland
"I think I've done something similar".... "I think I've done something similar to this too" >.<
EDarwin
We're not alone.
bud467
oh hi. Thank GOD you didn't do that with me.
geekyisland
Hi, you're getting frozen yogurt with me. See ya. :3
bud467
that does seem to be pretty much our first conversation, IIRC
Ge3kyGecko
"Oh yeah, that reminds me of when..." *cringes again* rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhh
Aryn240
this is so accurate. I HAVE a SO and it still cringes so bad
StandardDeviant
How about a new job, Obvious Flirtation Detector. They would hang out with groups of friends and point out flirtation to the flirtee
iDrinkDrano
I do this.
cashtha
OFD
FisterMantastic
I feel like Abed would be perfect for this job.
DorthLous
We used to do that all the time. The girls in our group were pretty obvious (and a few guys). I ended calling them up about 90%+ of the time
flight815down
My sister and I do this for each other. Helps immensely
OSCgal
I've told my friends to tip me off if they ever notice a guy flirting with me.
Majawat
@OSCgal by saying "hey, sup. :)", @wagex is flirting with you.
StandardDeviant
omg everyone on this website is smooth as fuck
wagex
hey, sup. :)
beapbop
@OSCgal I think wagex is trying to flirt with you :o
OSCgal
Ah, so THAT's how it works! XD
notaballoon
Who are these people who try to hit on people going to the bathroom?
RogueMachinae
Cause then you can lock the door and have sexy time...which still doesn't make sense cause the one has to go..well you know.
notaballoon
Unless she's gonna let me pee in her mouth, she's gonna have to wait
MrDragonBalls95
To be fair that guy kinda did have terrible taste in pop music.
Notcreativewithmyname
The name is priceless.
ElectronMagnifier
i don't get that one
Asterfix
Well all music is super hit or miss. I mean.. Nikki Minaj is awful but she's still making more money than some good artists
Drix1942
I also have terrible taste in music when I'm in love. My taste in music has been awesome for years now. :(
squirreltactics
Or just music in general. Zeppelin has some great love songs
Kejrum
Yeah, he liked pop music.
strumfooligan
But you have great taste in usernames.
MrDragonBalls95
I could say the same about yours.
IveRunOutOfFucksToGive
Put your dragon balls in her strumfooligan
DoorToDoorWikipediaSalesman
According to this series, you guys are totally putting the moves on each other... Go for it! No ragrets!!!!!
FightFightFight
Fight! Fight! Fight!
dominicthegray
kiss kiss kiss...
salriella
A guy wrote lyrics to Sonata Arctica's song Shy to my friend. We proceeded to talk about how that song is about a stalker, missing his ex.
squirreltactics
Or just music in general. Zeppelin has some great love songs
QuiteElementaryMyDearWatson
No, he had great taste in finding songs she would like. I listen to rock music all day long, but I can play John Mayer for the GF still.
MediumPlatypi
She said right in the story that she thought it was bad music.
QuiteElementaryMyDearWatson
I get that. Just like I said in all the other responses, it's the thought that obviously counts. Or at least SHOULD count.
delafarles
Not that great, seeing as she didn't like the songs.
QuiteElementaryMyDearWatson
It's the thought that counts. At least it should be. Speaking from personal experience, most people don't respect that.
bluewaterbridgetroll
Yeah, I'm that "she" and I definitely wasn't into those songs haha. I was a weird punky band geek in high school, def not a Beyonce girl
QuiteElementaryMyDearWatson
Different strokes for different folks. The point was I learned what I thought would win her over. Because SHE liked it, not me.
LadyWidebottom
It doesn't sound like this guy bothered to learn what she liked though, and I think that's kind of the point. He just made assumptions.
QuiteElementaryMyDearWatson
Speaking from experience that can be hard, especially at first. Tyou have to think that the only time you'd hear them listen to music (1/2)
QuiteElementaryMyDearWatson
Is when they're in the car or in the shower. Neither of which you're going to know at first. A simple love song is always a good bet. (2/2)
TheCanadianNerd
YOU LIVE IN ONTARIO? I LIVE IN ONTARIO.
bluewaterbridgetroll
Did you ever send me pop song lyrics? Like the chances are nil but I'm paranoid now that guy's going to find out I submitted this and be sad
TheCanadianNerd
No dont worry, I'm not him. I just get excited when I find other Ontarians . :)
ThisBirdHasFlown
It amazes me how some men can't seem to understand women also feel that "surely he doesn't mean me, he couldn't like ME'"
SayWutAgain
Because there's no way WE would think like that if we got blatant propositions for sex on a regular basis.
IsThereAnyUserNameThatsNotAlreadyTaken
Well but when you finally realize it why you don't make things clear? That many times I got turned down I WOULD'VE BEEN SO HAPPY IF YOU DID
EatinButtsAndBustinNuts
Honestly, I thought they didn't. But this has been funny and eye-opening.
ThisBirdHasFlown
Good! One down, billions to go (?) ha
EatinButtsAndBustinNuts
I'M ALL IN!
AGentleGiant
Because most men get turned down way to often, to even think about the possibility that girls are insecure, too.
HD2composer
this right here, yes
EatinButtsAndBustinNuts
Exactly!
MusculusSternocleidomastoideus
As a girl, I thought it was the other way around.
DoomyMcDoom
As a guy, I doubt it, I've dated somewhere around 30 women, that's out of a couple hundred I've asked out. I haven't even tried for 3 years.
MusculusSternocleidomastoideus
Every single guy I asked out rejected me. So, 3/10 vs 0/10
DoomyMcDoom
more like 3/20, and out of those who said yes, I've been stolen from, used, lied to, and ended up with herpes.
kevinallover
Because most of the men you're friendly with would if they could. Men will tend not to seek you out to hang out unless they are into you.
BananasaurusRex
Yea, I'm gonna go with "speak for yourself"
irishfury
Nah. I'm a chick, but I know that dudes like to hang out, at least sometimes, with no motive but to chill. Otherwise y'all are gaaaaay.
kevinallover
Keep telling yourself that. Or, better yet, try putting the moves on one of 'em and see what happens. They want it.
TheFarmerAndTheDude
Maybe without the motive to but if you were like "wanna fuck?" most straight guys would be down.
irishfury
That's legit. Sounds a fuckload better than "Guys only view chicks as meat."
queefmyquiche
Yeah, no.
instantbeetle
lol oh naive girls.
infernoman101
Come on! Not all guys are like that! I hangout with girls just to hangout. Speak for yourselves not others.
iFINALLYmadeAcomment
If only there was some clever sequence of words we could use to just say "Hey (her name), I like you and want to spend more time with you."
spiritussancto
i have actually used that phrase. never had it go well. have also outright asked if a friend who used to have a thing for me wanted to 1/2
spiritussancto
be FWB and he thought i was kidding. actually two of those come to think of it
techguy651
Someone should research this. Awkward minds must find the solution.
iDrinkDrano
There's still the problem of the Madonna/Whore complex
OSCgal
Sad, isn't it?
iFINALLYmadeAcomment
Sad, it is.
arluinuial
I'm a girl and my dad raised me to just be straightforward. So whenever I was interested in a guy in hs I just flat out told him.1/2
arluinuial
Sometimes it worked, and even when it didn't I usually became better friends with the guy. Definitely made things simpler all around. 2/2
KleineDeutsche
I could never say that to a guy who I like more than friends. NEVER.
Curiousone545
Why?
iFINALLYmadeAcomment
Joking aside though, sometimes the hunt can be sweeter than the kill.
drewdus42
So true. I was rather quick to the draw with the woman with whom I'm married to. My only regret is we didn't do much pre-dating flirting....
DepartmentfortheRegulationandControlofMagicalCreatures
I went over to a guy's house and we just watched Netflix. I dont think either of us expected anything though
edissick
If he's not gay, a blowjob would have been fine for him
Imaybegotthis
Maybe, but did either of you WANT something to happen as unlikely as it may have been
esgedi
I hate the "netflix and chill" thing. I'd love to hang out, eat pizza, and watch netflix with a girl. They all think i wanna slang' dick.
watercolortitties
I like actually hanging out, but douchebags ruined it for normal people.
soraman
to be fair I do that alot, I never make a move, but its kindy hilarious if they try to make a move on me
wastedintellect
I invited a girl over to watch a biology documentary. I don't know what her intention was but I was too nervous to make a move.
Amblydoper
Oh come on, a BIOLOGY DOCUMENTARY??? Thats gold... "Say darling, do you want to make our own biology documentary?"
wastedintellect
She studies biochemistry or something. We went out for a coffee and I mentioned this really good documentary I'd seen.
marjarooni
Right?! That's pretty much how I roll. Netflix. Hanging out. Yep.
watercolortitties
I like when this happens, personally. I leave if they get gropey.
wastedintellect
This is probably the wrong place to ask but I wouldn't even know how to make a move in that situation.